


In the before, and the now, but not again.

by ThatWALKERKid



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, F/M, Loneliness, One Shot, mulders hallway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:09:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21582034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWALKERKid/pseuds/ThatWALKERKid
Summary: The hallway outside of Mulder’s apartment has seen a lot, been privy to changes and actions and declarations of love.. but now, it will never be the same again.
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	In the before, and the now, but not again.

**Author's Note:**

> I was in a mood. This came out of that. Not sure what it’s supposed to be but hope I can drag you into your feels nonetheless.. 
> 
> Feel free to scream at me bout it here or on twitter @thequeerwriter 
> 
> :)

* * *

A swirling, heaving thump bit at his ears, blood pumping, as the moments ticked by. A thick silence hung in the air, coated with all the things he knew should have been said long before this moment.

_They’d stood in this hallway before._

And he’d begged her then; laid bare his aching soul.

**Selfishly,** he thought now, as he watched a delicate tear roll down her perfect features.

He’d told her he couldn’t exist without her, that he’d built himself out of the parts of her she’d selflessly offered up; that he wasn’t and wouldn’t be complete without her by his side.

And he’d believed his own words; still did and she’d crumpled then. Every last force she’d put in place falling; crumbling down, surrounding her with rubble, laying her bare, an open wound looking to heal.

And he’d tried. He’d enveloped her, held on for dear life, trying to repair the damage he knew he was responsible for.

_But they’d stood in this hallway before._

It’s stretching expanse adding to the gnawing dread in his heart. The distance between them a flooding realisation, a disconnect, a rebuilding of the walls he’d tore down once before. Her eyes pierced his own, pleading for him to let her walk away, to let her breathe, to release her from the hold he seemed to have always commanded over her.

He’d followed her out of his apartment. His bare feet foreign on the carpet, his blue jeans and soft white tee somehow now felt out of place on his body as the casual nature of how the afternoon had started dissolved into bleeding souls and words said in spite of each other; in spite of everything they’d been through together.

Words of “I can’t do this anymore” and “you aren’t the only one in this” had echoed around his home; something he’d never had considered it as such until she’d come along... and now it was just an empty shell that housed material possessions and an air of self destruction.

He supposed that was true. He was destruction and self importance and categorically broken.

She’d said so herself.

The words hissed from lips he’d mapped ceremoniously, from a voice he’d heard whisper his name like a prayer, from a woman he’d finally and completely and totally destroyed.

He’d swallowed them whole, hoping to numb himself to the searing pain that slashed its way through his heart. She’d paced back and forth in front of his door as she’d tried to explain it to him, to make him see that she needed more; that she deserved more.

And he unequivocally knew that she did. He’d always known.

But she’d come into his world in a flourish of joy, knowledge, kindness and a willingness to know him; to forego conclusions built by others of his character. He’d come to trust her and only her. She was the only person that would ever know him completely.

And that was his undoing now.

_Because they’d stood in this hallway before._

History repeating itself. A crushing realisation hit him in the chest, pushing the air from his lungs, the blood seemingly cold in his veins. This time was going to end differently. He wouldn’t be able to convince her to stay. His lips wouldn’t meet hers, his arms would remain empty, just like they should, leaving a cold distance between them; the memory of an end they had always known was coming.

He’d disillusioned her. Invited her to love him, knowing that who he was would only eclipse her, that he would irreversibly change her. Tears pricked his eyes now. Memories flooding his mind; muddied and broken, bruised and battered beyond repair. His stomach flopped in on itself and he slumped back against the wall; every nerve ending in his body stinging with regret and sadness and resignation.

_They’d stood in this hallway before._

All the darkness they had chased over the years, all the monsters in the night they’d followed at their own risk paled in comparison to the now empty hallway that echoed out before him. She’d wiped the tears off her cheeks and from her eyes and had silently begged his forgiveness as she’d turned away, disappearing into the cold metal enclosure of the elevator.

Without command or permission, his legs buckled and he slid down to the ground, knees rising to his chest. A shuddering breath crackling from his lips as he opened his hand; a crumpled piece of paper greeting him. Delicate, perfect hand writing peeked out at him as he carefully smoothed it’s blemished surface.

_“There is nothing in this world that could change the distance between my universe and forever... because while it makes no sense what so ever, on any level, I had hoped you’d be both... and if that’s what inexplicability was, I wanted to let my universe forever be unexplainable... but you aren’t here, even when you are. I will always choose to love you but you keep failing to choose us. I need more than darkness Mulder... it’s not just you and me anymore.”_

**_They had stood in this hallway before._ **

A monument to the changes of his life and as as the paper fell from his fingers, teetering on the air like a falling rose petal, he realised...

**_THEY_ ** **_would never stand in this hallway again._ **


End file.
